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I want to report him and tell my family what he did to me, but I love him. I guess this is where I stop to ask for help. At the same time though all I see is a perverted, sick, twisted man that I still smile at every day. I've seen how he goes out of his way to do so much for my siblings (who are much older than me), niece, nephew, and mum. I see how much he's changed since we've moved. I see the way he acts around me when he says sorry for what he's done. Other than him doing things to me, he's been a good dad. Despite the fact he's molested me for years, I still love and care about him as my actual dad. My thoughts and emotions have been playing me for years.
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He tries a lot to make up for what he did. In short, he loves my mum to death and does a lot for me too. He works not only to have a home, but to pay for all her medical things.
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He does anything she needs to make sure she's healthy and okay. He's made my mum very happy (most of the time). Even though he's emotionally scarred me, he's also done a lot to have a roof over our head and food on the table. My nightmares and thoughts won't go away though. And the only one who really steps up to help her is Mike.The thing is, I know he loves my mum. Things were really tough for my mum and she gets stressed out so easily. Not only that, but my mum's health was plummeting along with my grades. I'd still get nightmares of being touched.
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When I got into my freshman year though, things were just okay. Anyways, now that we're in a different town, state, environment and such, things seemed better. He just somehow got me to do whatever he said. Also, during all of this he wasn't hurting me. He apologized before we moved on and never talked about it again. I was 12 turning 13 now and we both decide to forget all that happened. Skip down a couple more years later, we decide to move to a different state. I thought it was over already, but apparently he decided that was officially the last time. On our drive back from Disney Land, I was in the front and he decided to touch my lower area and grope my breasts when I was sleeping. He still couldn't help himself sometimes.) A couple years later on Halloween 2011, he decided to take us to Disney Land. He started understanding how much it was taking an affect on me and stopped touching me (as much. I'll be sad too." I started sobbing (which he didn't expect) and said "I want a normal relationship with you." Since I was a little older, I finally knew what was going on. It's wrong!" He decided to be manipulative and said "But you liked it. I asked him about it and said "I don't like this anymore. It wasn't until I hit 8-9 years old when I found out that it wasn't okay. I just thought that's how HIS AND I father-daughter relationship worked and it was our secret. I didnt think this was how it happened with every father-daughter relationship. All I knew is that the things he was doing to me felt good and I felt the same way to him. Of course I was little when he first started touching me, so I had no clue what this was. For most of my life I grew up thinking this was okay. He didn't take my virginity or anything, but he did try once. He'd have anal sex with me sometimes and much more. Mike did a lot of things to me and I'd do the same. This is going to get a bit too personal but I need to just lay everything down on the table. He stopped ever since I became a teenager and we moved to a different state. He continued molesting me up until I hit age 12/13. This was when I first came to him and my mum (I used to live with my actual dad, *mod edit*). Anyways, when I was 5 years old, I was molested by my stepdad, Mike (Not his real name, but we'll just call him that). Recently I've been opening up about my situation and trying to see if I could find help. Please do not read this if you are extremely sensitive about molestation and such.